Peggin' Witches

Itinerary 001 · Issued 1634 · One passenger · Still in transit

The Journey

Brian keeps his life as a travel document. Not as a metaphor. As a document, in a folder, with legs numbered and durations entered and a status column he updates on the first of the month. Most of it is one leg. The leg is not going well.

PassengerBRIAN
Age25
Origin1634
Destination26
Tail no.N659PW
StatusDELAYED
Travel summary — passenger 001 Prepared by: the passenger
12Legs on the itinerary
2Legs completed
367Years on the current delay
0Clearances for onward travel

The itinerary · Reissued annually · Never amended

Legs, in order

Legs 001 and 002 were completed on schedule. Leg 004 was entered on the fifth of April, 1659, at four in the afternoon, and has not closed. Everything below leg 004 is technically a connection.

LegFromTo DurationStatus
001Nothing in particular, 1634Twenty-five25 yearsARRIVED
002Hollowmere Academy of Waterworks, 1657Certificate, municipal survey14 monthsARRIVED — TOP OF CLASS, COLUMNS
003Room 9, Hollowmere, 1658The county waterworks, Bedford1 dayDEPARTED ALONE
004The front gateThe water meter, bog edge367 years, runningDELAYED — 367 YEARS
005Twenty-fiveTwenty-sixNEVER DEPARTED — DESTINATION BOOKED
006Front officeBasement, water heater4 min each way, dailySCHEDULED SERVICE
007Bog edge, 1704OutAttempted 41 timesRETURNED TO GATE
008Front officeCounty office, quarterly2 hours 10 minutesFLIGHT PLAN FILED & ACCEPTED
009Laundry roomLaundry roomFridays at eightHOLDING — VOLUNTARY
010Unit 4BThe end of the drying cycleSince 1974EN ROUTE
0111658Tobias Fenn368 years, no contactSEARCHING
012The office deskThe letterbox at the gateTwelve feetNEVER DEPARTED

Leg 012 is twelve feet. It is the shortest leg on the itinerary and the only one he has never once attempted. See below.

Bog edge · 5 April 1659 · 4:12 PM

Leg 004 — delay notice

JR-004
Purpose of travel
Read one water meter
Reason for delay
Bog
Compensation
None offered. None claimed.

Passenger note

I walked in to read a meter. It was a fifteen minute job. I have been on that fifteen minutes since April.

The meter is still out there. It is still running. Somebody should read it. — B.

OpenNotified: 367× · Rebooked: 0×

Twelve units · One bog · Ongoing

The layover

JR-L1
Duration
367 years
Amenities
Laundry, boiler, rake, a Friday
Rating
Would not leave

Passenger note

People say a long layover is a hardship. There is a band on Fridays. There is cake on the fifth of February. Twelve people know my name and use it wrong on purpose.

I am not writing a complaint. I want that on the form. — B.

No complaint filedAmenities: adequate to good

Front office · Enquiry raised annually

Onward travel

JR-ON
Clearance required
Yes
Issuing authority
Not listed anywhere
Enquiries sent
367. All answered.

Resolution

I write every year to ask who clears me for onward travel. Every year the letter comes back stamped and initialled by this office. This office is me.

So I have been declining my own requests since 1659, in good faith, with reasons. The reasons are sound. I checked them. — B.

Under reviewReviewer: the applicant

Operations · Registered 1971 · Airworthy

Brian is an aircraft

This is his understanding of the matter and he holds it the way he holds every other operational fact on this property: calmly, in writing, with a reference number. He operates as an aircraft. The association has never once asked him to stop, or explain, or file anything about it beyond what he already files.

Standing operational note — unit registration N659PW

Registered by: the aircraft · Accepted by: ownership · Discussion: none required

The registration was submitted to the association in 1971 on the correct form. There was no correct form. Brian made the correct form, filed it, approved it, and then filed the approval.

The membership carried it twelve to nothing without debate. Agnes Blackthistle, who owns the building and who has objected to a light bulb, did not object. Julia entered it in the register under fixtures, which nobody has corrected, because nobody wants to be the one who corrects it.

Since then he has been listed on every schedule as an aircraft, treated on every schedule as an aircraft, and handed the clipboard before he enters a room. Nobody winks. Nobody makes the face. This is the part outsiders get wrong about this place.

Ladder, north face · White stencil · 3 inches

The tail number

N659PW
Registration
N659PW
Applied to
The ladder. Both sides.
Also applied to
The boiler, in error

Note

The ladder goes where I go, so the ladder carries the number. That is correct procedure. I did the boiler in the same evening because I had the stencil out and the boiler had nothing on it.

The boiler is not an aircraft. I have annotated the register. — B.

RegisteredRepaints: 4 · Last: 2019

Every unit · Every entry · No exceptions

Pre-flight checklist

PRE-1
Items
Eleven
Skipped, ever
None
Clipboard held by
Prudence Ashgrove, 9G
  • Controls free and correct
  • Flaps — set
  • Trim — set for the hallway
  • Ailerons — both
  • Fuel — sufficient (one mug)
  • Doorbell — expect four seconds early

Note

There was a grease fire in 6D in 1994. Ethel called it in and stood in the door and watched me do all eleven. She did not say hurry up. She held the board and she read them out to me and she got the order right.

Fire was out by item nine. You do not skip items. — B.

AirworthyItems read aloud by: a tenant, always

All corridors · Ground movement only

He taxis

GND-2
Walking
No
Taxiing
Yes
Difference
Considerable

Explanation, unabridged

Walking is going down a hallway. Taxiing is powered movement on the surface, under my own control, with a clearance, to a place I have told somebody about. The distance is the same. The paperwork is not.

I ask whoever is nearest for clearance. Somebody always gives it. In three hundred and sixty-seven years not one person has said no. — B.

ClearedRefusals: 0

Quarterly · Filed with the secretary · Secretary is him

Flight plans

FP-Q
Route
Gate → county office → gate
Souls on board
One
Endurance
One mug

From the minutes

Item 4,411,880. Motion to accept flight plan for the deed filing on Thursday. Carried twelve to nothing. Doreen asked what the alternate was. I said the diner. She wrote it down.

Nobody has to do that. They do it anyway. — B.

Accepted & minutedPlans filed: 1,468

South corner of the lot · Installed 1971

The windsock

WS-1
Installed by
Brian, unassisted
Failures
Zero
Maintenance log
Empty, 55 years

Note

Everything here breaks. The boiler breaks. The dryer breaks. The doorbell rings early, which is a kind of breaking. In 1994 the rake broke a man.

The windsock has never broken. I put it up myself on a Sunday and it has told me the truth every day since. — B.

ServiceableThe only one on the property

Laundry room · 12 March 1988 · Entered into the record

Wingspan

MEAS-1
Measured by
Hesper Tallowmoor, 3B
Instrument
Tape from the sewing box
Result
5 ft 11 in, tip to tip

Minuted

She said stand there and put them out. I put them out. She measured me twice because the first one was over the elbow and she wanted it honest.

Then she read the number out and Julia wrote it in the book and that was the whole item. Nobody laughed. It is still in the book. — B.

In the recordAmendments: none

Hollowmere Academy · 1657–1658 · Predates employment

The Pillow Incident

Everything above is filed. This is the one that is not, and it is the reason for all the rest of the filing. It happened before he came here. He has never told the association. He wrote it out once, for himself, on the correct form, because that is the only way he knows how to say anything.

Statement of facts — Hollowmere, room 9

Written by: Brian, aged 24 · Filed with: nobody · Kept since: 1658

In 1657 Brian, then twenty-three, boarded at the Hollowmere Academy of Waterworks and Municipal Survey, learning to read meters and rule columns. He shared room 9 with a man named Tobias Fenn, twenty-four, from Norwich, who wrote his sevens with a line through them, which nobody in that county did.

The linen store issued bedding by number. Both men were issued a pillow marked 14. That was a clerical error and it was the only unusual thing that ever happened at Hollowmere.

Brian believed, for fourteen months, that pillow 14 was his. He talked to it. Not about anything. About the weather, and the columns, and whether he had got the columns right. He was a person with nobody to talk to and it was a thing that was in the room. That is the entire nature of the attachment and he would like that understood plainly.

In November 1658 the linen store came up one pillow short. The housemaster stood in room 9 and asked whose it was. Tobias said he did not know, which was true. Brian said nothing.

Tobias Fenn was sent down for the theft on the twenty-second of November, 1658, and left Hollowmere the same afternoon with one bag. Brian watched him go from the window on the stairs and did not open it.

Fifteen months later Brian walked into a bog to read a water meter, and the rest of this page happened.

Front office · Top shelf · Box marked SPARE FORMS

Item 14

ITEM-14
Description
Pillow, linen, numbered
Held since
November 1658
Rightful owner
Tobias Fenn

Note

It is not in good condition and it was not in good condition then. I have moved it eleven times and I have never once considered leaving it anywhere.

It is not mine. It has never been mine. I am holding it. — B.

UnreturnedDays held: 134,000 +

Room 9 · 1657–1658 · Ruled by hand

The logbook

LOG-14
Title on cover
LOG — 14
Entries
431
Columns
Date, conditions, hours, altitude

Note

Nobody at Hollowmere asked for an altitude column. There was no altitude. We were on the ground floor and everything in the county was on the ground floor.

I ruled the column anyway and I filled it in every night and I have never been able to say why. I know now. It took a while. — B.

Origin of registrationFirst entry: 4 Sept 1657

Room 9 · 22 November 1658 · Morning

The one he did not file

Question asked
Whose is this
Answer given
None
Outcome
Tobias sent down

Note

It was four words. I have had three hundred and sixty-eight years to work out why I could not say four words and I have not got there.

He did nothing. I did the thing. He paid for it and I kept the pillow and the room and the certificate. — B.

Never filedThe only one

Records division · Named responsible party · 400 + filings

Why he raises his hand

Explanatory memorandum — standing practice of employee 001

Requested by: nobody · Circulated to: nobody · Retained on file

Brian is the named responsible party on more than four hundred filings at this property. He has caused none of them. He raises his hand before the question finishes. He has been asked to stop and he has agreed to stop and he has not stopped. The association has a whole page about it.

The membership has various theories. Julia says it is a filing habit. Agnes says it is cheaper than an insurer. Cordelia has never offered a theory and Cordelia knows what the bog wants, so.

The actual reason is dated the twenty-second of November, 1658, and is four words long, and was never said. He has been trying to pay it off one incident report at a time ever since. It does not work like that. He is aware it does not work like that. He files anyway, because the alternative is standing in a doorway saying nothing, and he has done that once.

A ledger with one entry on one side and four hundred on the other is not a balanced ledger. It is just a long column and a short one, kept neatly, in the same hand, for three hundred and sixty-eight years.

Enquiries · Ongoing since 1659 · No result

Looking for Tobias Fenn

Abridged. The full enquiry file is four inches thick and lives in the office.

1659

First letter written to the academy asking for a forwarding address. It is answered in eleven days. The academy does not keep forwarding addresses for men who are sent down. Brian files the reply.

1663

He writes to every Fenn in Norwich. There are nine. Seven reply. None of them is him. Two of them keep writing to Brian for years about other matters and he answers every one.

1704

Hollowmere burns down. The rolls burn with it. Brian learns this from a newspaper in the county office and reads the paragraph four times, standing up, and then goes and does the gutters.

1788

A parish register in Thetford lists a T. Fenn, surveyor. Brian walks there. It is a fortnight’s walk and he has to be back for a Friday. It is a different man. That man is kind to him and gives him supper.

1891

He begins checking sevens. Every seven on every document that crosses the desk, for the line through it. He has checked, by his own count, four million sevens. He has found the line eleven times. Eleven times he has written to the sender. Eleven times it was somebody else.

1954

Agnes, who owns the building and signs only in blood, offers to find him. She does not ask why. Brian says no thank you. He says it should not be a favour. The offer is not withdrawn and is still open.

2001

The county office gets a machine that searches records. Brian is shown how to use it and uses it correctly on the first attempt, because he read the manual first, because of course he did. There are 1,904 results. He reads all of them over four months. None is him.

2026

Still open. Still on the desk. Filed under ENQUIRY — PERSONAL, which is the only folder on this property with that label.

Correspondence · Unsent · Leg 012

The letter

Index card, kept with the letter

Drafts written · 1,908

Drafts sent · 0

Distance to the letterbox · twelve feet

Address on the envelope · none, yet

Draft 1,908 — current

Tobias,

It was me. It was mine to say and I did not say it and they sent you down for it. Twenty-second of November. You had one bag and you did not look up at the window and I have thought about that more than about anything else that has happened to me, and a great deal has happened to me.

I have the pillow. I know that is a strange line in a letter. I did not keep it to keep it. I kept it because it is yours and I have never had an address to send it to.

I am a property manager now, on a bog, and it is a good place, and the people here are kind to me in a way I do not think I have earned. They hold my clipboard. They wrote my wingspan in the book and nobody laughed.

I hope you got to rule columns somewhere. I hope somebody let you. You were better at it than me and I never told you that either.

If you write back I will come. It is one leg. I have it on the itinerary. — B.

The letter has been written one thousand nine hundred and eight times and folded one thousand nine hundred and eight times. It is in the top drawer of the desk in the front office, on the left, under the spare stencils.

Pegged today by sixty-nine-year-old witches · as of